All About Ethical Porn
Some feminists & scholars, like Audre Lorde, despised pornography. In “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power” Lorde says:
“The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.”
The erotic, for Lorde is the feminine life-force and way of knowing that has been perverted by patriarchal society. It speaks in the ears of carefully listening women, moves their bodies, and brings them into knowing — some would call it intuition. That gut feeling, according to Lorde, has been perverted by men — renamed hysteria. It’s power has been de-emphasized in order to declaw the wielders of that awesome power. Although it is deeply sexual the erotic encompasses every thought & feeling, it is the true unification of the mind and body.
I’m getting a little philosophical here, but you get the point. Audre Lorde believed that pornography was the opposite of the erotic — it emphasized pure sensation, superficial connection, and a lack of emotional engagement with the self and others.
Pornography has a long history of being sensationalist and pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in our society. I would point our gaze towards the popularity of quasi-incestuous “step-sister” or “step-daughter” porn, the rising popularity of non-consensual and debasement fantasies, the violence that porn often propagates against women, and most of all the objectification of the male gaze. When porn is created by and for men — even lesbian porn! — women are reduced to sexual objects for consumption rather than full, sexual beings. In conforming to male fantasies of power and aggression, porn lacks ethics.
What do I mean by that? Everyone there is there by choice, getting paid, they look like they are enjoying it — so what is the problem?
I am not anti-porn, I love pornography, but I do want us to think critically when we consume. The sexual images that we create are reflected in the world around us. Sadly, we live in a time when sex education is largely non-existent, and what little does exist teaches us nothing about pleasure, equity, consent, and how to fuck each other kindly.
By Lorde’s definition, sex is this incredibly intimate experience that goes beyond the vulnerability of nakedness. I like that idea, but engage it with nuance. The idea that sex is a spiritual experience parallels antiquated ideas from virginity and chastity culture. Prevalent and toxic notions like “saving” yourself for marriage and only having sex when you’re in love. That’s not quite what Lorde is arguing: the erotic is about acknowledging desire, truth, and weakness — truly being vulnerable with oneself and others.
Sex exists outside of romance for so many of us, and rather than being married to romantic love, our sex lives can be erotic and radically blissful when our choices are based on relationships of mutual respect and pleasure. All of my best sexual experiences have been with people who care about me — my pleasure in the experience and overall wellbeing — and respect me. We should all have sex within the contexts that we wish, that is a part of my mission here, but we don’t exist in a vacuum. The sexual images we uplift, create, amplify, reenact, and rewatch have an impact on our everyday sex lives.
Does our pornography reflect our everyday sex lives — where we deemphasize consent, and augment violence against women and femmes — or is it the other way around? Why does pornography fail to teach us anything accurate about female pleasure and would more screen time for the clitorus close the orgasm gap? Does our society fetishize raw sex without precaution so heavily because talking about STI testing and condoms isn’t sexy enough to make the cut? If we increase the diversity of body types that we see on screen, could we make an impact in diet culture, everyday fatphobia, and the politics of desire?
These are all questions that should be explored and answered, but rather than focusing on all the evils of pornography I would love to talk about the radical potential of good porn.
What do ethics look like?
TW: Mentions of abuse, sexual assault, and racism
Consent: This might seem like a mute point, but we shouldn’t take it for granted. The pornography industry can be incredibly coercive and down right abusive. According to former-actress, Mia Khalifa, the porn industry is the home to a host of abuses. Actresses in the industry don’t last for very long, and often participation in the adult film industry bars them from employment in other industries. They make very little money compared to hosting sites, production studios, directors, etcetera. Racist and sexist stereotypes, as well as violence, are all apart of the sexual fantasy. Most of all, sexual abuse within the industry and the exploitation of young actresses is the norm. Although these actresses sign contracts to do the work, and continue to participate, it is the responsibility of consumers and producers to recognize the bind that porn actors often face. Real consent lies in awareness of the realities of this industry, and our active push away from that mode of operation. This is now how porn-making has to be.
Consent, in this sexual context and all others, doesn’t just mean one verbal confirmation or the signing of a contract. Consent should be enthusiastic, informed, unencumbered, freely-given, repeated, and contextual. The current industry has created an environment where many actors feel as if they cannot say no, and consent cannot exist without the ability to rescind it. Everyone involved in the production of a dirty film, from actors to key grips, should be there 100% of their own will, fully aware of what they will engage in, with multiple check ins and breaks to ensure continued consent. Most of all they should be able to work without fear of being punished for their refusal or pushed beyond their boundaries.
Sex-Work Advocacy: Sex work should be decriminalized and de-stigmatized. Although pornography is legal, it presents a social and professional problem for those who take part in its production. In a HuffPost article written by a former editor/writer on porn magazines and film companies:
“In interviews, potential employers would gawk at my chest and ask me a million questions about my current job, and then tell me they couldn't hire me because they have children at home (as if I was supposed to babysit them naked and tied up. It was a secretarial job, not a babysitting position.)
My all-time favorite was when a prominent woman's magazine editor thought I would be perfect for an editorial job. I was positive I had nailed it -- I knew the layout design, I was loyal, dedicated, smart, talented, but something felt off.
A few days later, when I called to see if I was still a candidate for the position, the editor laughed at me and said, ‘Lisa, we just wanted to see if you looked like a porn star.’ I had never felt more humiliated and used in my entire life”.
It’s incredibly difficult to find mainstream work after being involved in the adult entertainment industry. People who have worked there, even programmers, editors, and cameramen, are subject to the perception that they are perverts and jokes — think about how much worse it is for the actors, their images preserved forever on film and digital. Destigmatization starts with us. We must advocate for anti-discrimination against sex workers everywhere and dismantle the biases we hold in our everyday lives. Sex workers cannot both provide a service that we enjoy AND be so highly disrespected and degraded in our society.
Fair Wages: A huge part of respecting sex workers and valuing their labor is paying them more. For many actors, this means taking charge of their content, the distribution of that content, and what is associated with their name. The rise of Onlyfans and other creator-based platforms for pornography has ushered in a new era where cam-workers can make much more money within the safety of their homes. In addition, they can have much longer careers and dictate exactly how, when, and where they create sexual content for the enjoyment of viewers. A fair wage is the least we can do for folks providing such a sought after service.
Despite the stride that this has presented for many on-camera workers in the sex industry, there is a lot of protest from multiple sources. There are those who are strictly anti-porn and misogynistic assholes who believe that sex workers being paid well is somehow unfair (weirdos). Almost as if they believe sex workers should be exploited and degraded in our society rather than allowed to dictate their own financial futures, provide for their families, gain access to personhood, and be taken seriously as entrepreneurs.
Again, this is why we must destigmatize sex work and folks need to do their own personal work. If you don’t like porn then don’t buy it and don’t watch it. What other adults do with their bodies is up to them. If you think people (mostly women) shouldn’t be able to make a living wage from labor that you demand and want to consume, interrogate your damn self.
Before and Aftercare: Care surrounding sexual acts should exist outside of the boundaries of BDSM. Kink communities have so much to teach us when it comes to consent and care within sexual relationships. One of the biggest things is the practice of active care, before and after a sexual encounter. It means not only that the sexual acts performed are explicitly discussed and agreed upon, but that afterwards that conversation continues with all the snacks, cuddles, soft blankets, and whatever all parties require to feel good and safe. Aftercare looks different for everyone, and what makes some feel warm and fuzzy would be prickly to others. But, in the porn industry, as it takes the place of sex education for so many folks, there is almost a responsibility to model what good sex should look like.
Transparency & Education: These two things go hand-in-hand when we imagine ethical porn-making. As we’ve already discussed, for so many folks, pornography is their sexual education and the first time they will have or witness a sexual experience is through pornography. Why then shouldn’t porn strive to do some educational work?
The sex education that young people can get in school almost never breaches the subject of pleasure or etiquette, the questions that students would love to ask but cannot. That’s not to say I want teachers talking to students about how to pleasure each other — that would be highly inappropriate — but they should have some source for that information. Why not the place where they already seek it out. If pornography dared to discuss female pleasure and body image, taught consent, the importance of foreplay, and much more, we could fantasize more equitably.
When it comes to transparency, there are plenty of porn companies that introduce their actors and give their audience a more inside look into their process. The best companies, for ethical porn, are those that interview actors before and after the shoot to talk about what they did, how they’re feeling, and how they are doing afterwards. It is an important measure to amplify the voices of actors within the porn industry and be assured that the acts performed on screen were enjoyable, consensual, and fantasy. Particularly when we talk about more hardcore porn, I believe that it is important to separate the play from the reality, really outlining the fact that actors are playing roles within the boundaries of consent.
No-Incest, No Underage, No Racial Fantasy: There is a plethora of “barely-legal” porn featuring actors of questionable ages, barely-legal actors playing underaged characters, and all types of illegal pornography that we need go into detail about. Age limits exist around consent for a reason, and no non-adult should be engaging in sexual acts for work. Additionally, pseudo-incest or full-out incestuous play videos profit off of the sexualization of the taboo. They sexualize situations where consent is non-existent and impossible, acts that we should not glorify or simulate. Racialized fantasies also have a hold on the porn industry, with race play being a huge sub-category. These types of pornography go against the values of so many folks, against the stated values of our society. Our porn should be aligned with the ethics of our everyday lives, not reinforce the inequalities, violence, and social ills that plague our world, painting them in the colors of desire. When we allow these fantasies to run rampant, even when they are merely simulation, we must wonder who replicates them in reality and makes that violence real because we have shown them the pleasure to be had in subjugating others? I, personally, can’t live with that.
Safer sex: STI testing is an important part of any sex-based profession, and producing pornography is no exception. In ethical porn strict testing guidelines are important, actors take the necessary precautions in order to do their jobs and folks who are living with STIs, both curable and not, undertake different kinds of on-camera work in order to keep themselves and others safe. I am never in favor of excluding our siblings living with STIs, but a part of stopping the spread is ending the stigma, and keeping each other safe through awareness of risk, testing and transparency. It is important to be aware of the risks of unprotected sex without villianizing STIs or folks living with them — for people within the industry as well as their audience. Good porn has the potential to radically change our perception of sexual risk and the entanglement of sex with fear in our everyday lives.
Feminism: Although this is not strictly required, one the prevailing issues in the mainstream porn industry is the lack of women behind the camera and in positions of power. In a world where pornography caters so clearly to male desires, fantasies of domination, power, and misogyny, we must tilt our pornographic consumption and creation towards feminism in order to correct that long history. We should center female pleasure, realism, and equality in our porn in order to model what sex should look and feel like in the real world.
That’s not to say that certain consensual fetishes aren’t ever going to make the cut, or that stereotypical feminist ideas are the end-all-be-all. There is something incredibly empowering about being tied up, blind folded, and handled roughly when women, femmes, and gender minorities are dictating the scene and in control of those fantasies. Believe me, there is a distinctive difference between a woman being dominated because its what she wants, and a man dominating a woman because its what he wants. Ideally, we would start to create porn where mutual desire is the basis, not just for each other, but for the acts performed by and for us, rather than acts performed on us.
Erika Lust
Erika Lust is a Swedish director creating pornography that is diverse, ethical, and feminist. She strives to create content that is realistic and aspirational, closer to the equitable type of sex we should be celebrating.
Lust’s site features a catalogue of movies from all over the world, her uncensored publication: LustZine, and guidelines for how they strive for ethical production.
Beyond the screen
Pornography has existed for far longer than cameras have. From cave drawings to modern day websites hosting thousands of videos, there is a variety of mediums that we can use to stimulate ourselves. Here are just a few examples that can open our horizons and help us choose more ethical avenues for consumption.
Books
The recent boom in self-published works has allowed erotic writing to flourish. Erotic novels have been a refuge for more feminist pleasure-quests for decades, and we all know an elder who enjoys a bodice-ripping tale. There are so many novels out there, and although I sadly cannot recommend anything right now, I dare you to seek them out if you’re looking for alternatives to video porn.
I’ve heard amazing things about the book depicted above, “Desperate Measures” by Katee Robert, available for purchase on Amazon. Sadly, I haven’t had a chance to read it yet for myself. If I find out it’s awful or problematic I’ll come back and replace it with something better, I promise.
Comics
Graphic Novels are an amazing place to find tantilizing imagery and storylines to go along with them. Comics aren’t just sexy super-humans in capes anymore — there is a wide world of sex comics to explore. The titles below are a great place to start but with the right motivation, you’re sure to find many more.
Podcasts & audio
Dipsea is an app that hosts short erotic stories catered towards women. The team at Dipsea is committed to a new kind of pornography, one that emphasizes feminism, imagination, and sexual wellbeing for folks seeking orgasms through new and different modes.
Dipsea is not the only source of auditory eroticism, if you check most podcasting platforms you will be able to find erotic stories being told out loud for a captive, listening audience. Definitely seek them out and support.
DIY
Sometimes to get something done well, you have to do it yourself! The most ethical video you’ll ever get off to is the one you make yourself. If you, you and a partner, or even multiple partners are down there is something magnificently narcissistic about watching yourself over and over again.
This article covers the long history of pornography and the ways in which it has evolved along with our technological capabilities.
