What’s in Your Hoe Bag?
Every good hoe needs to be prepared for the best and the worst possible situations — with any luck you’ll end the night tangled up in the sheets with somebody's son/daughter/child/great-grand niece, etc.
What everybody needs for an impromptu hook-up with a long-time or first time partner is different, but here’s a couple things I keep on me:
Condoms, Dental Dams, and other prophylactics: Not every prophylactic (prevents disease) is also a contraceptive (prevents pregnancy) and vice versa, so sometimes you need to double up. These are one of the most important tools in your bag to keep yourself and your partner safe. Anyone who doesn’t want to use them does not care about your safety or theirs.
Contraceptive and prophylactic use should go hand in hand with regular STD testing for you and your partner(s)
If they say they’re allergic to latex but they don’t carry alternative condoms or want to buy them, they’re probably lying so they can fuck raw. Additionally, sheepskin condoms do NOT prevent the spread of STDs because they’re made of animal products.
Lube: Whether you feel that lubricant is a necessity for you or not is personal but having some on hand never hurts in a tight situation. Water based lubricants work best with latex condoms and for vaginal or anal penetration are the safest option.
The muh-fuckin’ strap: I am a lesbian (surprise) and prefer to use toys when having sex. If you use a strap-on, make sure that you wash both the toy and the actual strap-apparatus, both get dirty and carry things that when reintroduced to your body can cause problems. If you’re making a packing list this is one of the most essential items, always triple check!
Toys: Incorporating toys into your sexual play can be incredibly pleasurable and rewarding. Great toys are an investment and should last a long time if you take care of them properly, I recommend investing in toy cleaner, and reading product reviews.
Seeing a ton of unfamiliar things can be intimidating for a new partner. If you want to make someone comfortable it’s definitely okay to pull things out one at a time, explain what it does or what you like to do with it, and hopefully it’ll lead to a live demonstration. If you’d rather skip this or don’t want to risk overwhelming someone, it might be best to have a little advanced level hoe bag within your hoe bag that you can add or remove.
Water + Snacks: A great way to keep up your stamina for amazing, long-lasting sex is snacks. If the right fuel for you is protein bars and gatorade then I appreciate your athleticism, personally I like ice-cold water and leftover pizza. If your fuck fuel is whole milk and honeyed-ham that’s up to you. Whatever you do it’s important to listen to your body, make sure that you eat when you’re hungry and drink lots of fluids to stay ready for great sex.
Wash Cloth/Wet Wipes: a couple of wipes go a long way after a long sweaty night. Your body odor after a couple hours of dancing, a long day of work, etc. is natural and if you don’t want to hide it you shouldn't! I like to feel fresh when I’m about to engage in some hoe activities, even with long-time partners. A couple of wet wipes (safe for bodily use) will help you get it together in a pinch if a sink or large body of water is unavailable. For vaginal cleaning I recommend plain warm water and never the feminine wipes that are advertised for this use (they alter your vagina’s pH and can be harmful when your pH is already balanced). A wash cloth with warm water is great for cleaning up afterwards, and sometimes its best to have your own just in case.
Bonus: The Spenna-nite Bag
Any experienced hoe will tell you, a Spenna-Nite bag and a hoe bag are a little different. A hoe bag is just the stuff you need for sex and directly afterwards to get right again and take that ass home. A SN bag has the things you’d need to crash in case of emergency. Some hoes like to keep these items on them as well in case:
Skin Routine: Travel bottles are widely available and cheap, so if you have an inkling that a night might end the fun way, go ahead and make yourself a little travel skin bag.
Travel Toiletries: Toothbrush, toothpaste, washcloth, body wash, moisturizer, hair product, etc. any and everything you would need to be clean and presentable when you leave in the morning.
Bonnet: I am Black (surprise!) and although I don’t really have hair I know a lot of you do. Keeping an extra bonnet/durag/scarf/etc. just in case is important and your edges with thank you. And if you don’t want your new boo to see you in your bonnet then you better ask for a ride home, haircare comes first.
Change of Clothes: Just handy, period. Having an extra outfit, down to the underwear and socks, will keep you right in any case but it’s an essential part of the spenna-nite bag that keeps nosy-ass neighbors out of your adult business. Obviously there is no shame in the “walk of shame” but if you don’t have to leave in the same funky clothes you showed up in then you shouldn’t.
What’s in your hoe bag? Let me know in the comments.
