desire + power
The twitter timeline goes back and forth everyday about several topics of minute importance, but this conversation remains in constant rotation— is it really a preference?
As a Black person engaging with Black-Twitter I can only speak for myself and the conversations I constantly see about this topic, often centered on colorism, fatphobia, “pretty privilege”, and anti-Blackness, although there are other “preferences” that folks hold.
Colorism: prejudice and/or discrimination, typically within the same racial group, against individuals with darker skin tones. In my definition colorism would also include other features associated with blackness, ie. hair texture, facial features, etc.
Fatphobia: the fear and hatred of fat bodies; fear of being or becoming fat; prejudice, stigma, and/or discrimination against fat people.
“Pretty Privilege”: the principle that people who are deemed more attractive are treated better on an individual and/or institutional level then those deemed unattractive.
Anti-Blackness: hatred, fear, and prejudice against Black people and proximity to Blackness; Devaluation and dehumanization of Black people.
People defend preference and personal choice to the ends of the earth, even when it’s obviously steeped in prejudices like these. I’ll put it plainly, a racial preference IS racist, it can’t not be. To call an entire race of people unattractive or inherently more attractive than all others is racial prejudice at work. Not the mention the way that we treat people in our society that we deem “unattractive”: fat people, disabled people, darker skinned folks, etc.
Desire doesn’t exist in a vacuum separate from power and we should examine our desires against society’s prejudices. Chances are if you’re preferences line up with the social hierarchy that already exists, one that places whiteness, wealth, and unattainable standards of European beauty above everyone else, then you’re playing into the hand of powerful oppressions.
The idea that one can have sexual and romantic preferences that aren’t affected by the prejudices of our society is unrealistic. We are social beings, constantly being shaped and influenced by the world we live in to think, act, and be a certain way — the right way. That is not to say that we cannot make individual choices about attraction, and I would ultimately argue that sub-cultures, like African-Americans, have their own standards of beauty. But it is impossible for those beauty standards to exist completely outside of the standards of the larger culture — they are often deeply influenced by the systems of oppression that already oppressed populations face as minority groups. Failing to conform to societal expectations and norms has real consequences on an individual and institutional level.
Lighter skinned people of color are more likely to get hired, are sentenced to less prison time for the same crimes, and are considered more desirable in general than their darker counterparts. The same can be said of any form of discrimination — the further one is positioned from power the less desirable they are considered to be, and attractiveness and systems of power work together to keep these folks from the access they deserve. Those in power shape the culture, they get to decide who is beautiful and why wouldn’t they chose themselves? Let’s not even start on how the politics of attractiveness affect disabled populations, it could be a whole conversation all it’s own.
It’s about more than who we sleep with — we are all entitled to be with whomever we choose but in a society where attractiveness is a benefit reaped by some and a restriction of access for others we must examine it critically.
